Tell Me More: The Power of Listening in Palliative Care
By Dr. Kelly Cooke, PCNOW Board of Directors

An anniversary is often a time of reflection. I have long known about hospice. In college, I was a CNA on the hematology-oncology-transplant unit at Children’s Hospital. I was drawn to oncology and bringing a smile to those suffering. I learned early about the healing of therapeutic presence. That was also my first professional experience with death and dying. It was then that I recognized my calling. I enjoy sharing that I first heard about palliative medicine from a surgeon while I was an internal medicine resident. We were writing a case report about a woman we diagnosed with a thymoma. However, it wasn’t until after I completed my palliative medicine and medical oncology fellowships that I realized what I truly enjoyed about oncology and palliative medicine was the intimate relationships with people. 

We often meet people at the worst of times and need to create a safe and nonjudgmental space to allow them to share their stories. It is a true privilege to enter this sacred place and listen as people share their hopes and worries. I enjoy taking care of people not diseases.  I often explain to patients and families that I am a big-picture doctor.  I am not worried about any particular illness an individual is living with, but rather, I focus on helping the person, along with his or her family, live as well as possible despite changes in health while preparing for the future.  This affords me the opportunity to frequently say, “tell me more”.  Palliative care people understand that you learn more when you listen than when you ask questions.

We all bear witness to suffering every day.  It may be the suffering of our patients, their families, our colleagues, or our own families and friends.  Everyone is on their own journey.  Please do not ever underestimate the therapeutic value of bearing witness to another person’s suffering.  To truly see, hear, and understand another person is healing.  To make another being feel valued is an incredibly important part of our role and likely the key to the therapeutic relationships we build with others.  

PCNOW’s anniversary is not only an opportunity to reflect on the incredible growth and outreach of this organization, but also, a time for me and the other board members to thank you.  Thank you for your passion, dedication and caring. You are enough.